Remember in high school how you would see your friends every single day and barely have to put any effort into friendships? Back when I was in high school (except senior year) there was no texting or Facebook. The way to talk to your friends and talk about your friends was picking up the your landline and dialing the phone number from your Lisa Frank pocket phonebook. Today we have a plethora of text messages, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram, and whatever other social platform that exists. The point is there are a million ways to communicate with your friends and lovers now.
As we grow older we start seeing who our true and genuine friends are. I know that I have had several toxic friendships that I had to remove. It is hard and definitely easier said than done. I know in many things in my life it is hard for me to let go. Especially since I consider myself a sentimental person – I want to grab onto whatever shred of friendship I have left with those who are a negative influence in my life.
A toxic relationship/friendship depends upon the person looking at their situation. It could be just a really bad friend, someone that doesn’t have your best interest, an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend, someone that talks behind your back, an ex-hookup, people who listen to others about you, a frienemy, and even a family member.
I noticed that even when I try to end a toxic friendship the other person makes me feel even worse and puts all the blame on me. One of the most important things to remember when ending a toxic friendship or relationship is NEVER FEEL GUILTY. You are doing what you are doing for a reason. Fully believe in what you are doing and commit to it. Get out of the disrespectful limbo because you are worth more than that!
Now, ending a toxic romantic relationship is a tricky situation to deal with. I know that in a lot of abusive relationships it becomes more and more difficult for the “abusee” to get away from the abuser. (I won’t use the word “victim” because I believe that is dis-empowering). Kicking someone out of your life is difficult and can be heart-wrenching. If you are going through the tug-of-war of letting go of someone toxic then remember your self worth. You are an amazing person that deserves to have someone who truly loves you. Love yourself enough to surround yourself with positivity and support. If someone doesn’t make you feel good about yourself why should you keep them around? You may not have caused your problems, but it is up to you to solve them.
Recently, I had to end a toxic friendship with someone who was not a good influence on me. It was hard to let go of my “I can’t stand anyone hating me” mind-set and do what was best for me. So what if this person hates me? At least I wont hate myself by having them around. In a situation where the other person does not want closure and clarity, it would have to be a one-way street. I had to find the closure within myself. I had to let go of the toxicity of this person and allow myself to grow into someone wiser and more mature. In due time, we will all be able to spot out who is a good fit for us and who isn’t.